how to make amazing fried rice

1: buy hilariously named wine for $11

2: reconsider drinking wine as no one else is home

3: start 2 cups rice cooking

4: chop already steamed swiss chard and try and ignore the fact it has fig flavored balsamic vinegar already on it.  the flavor will be more than overwhelmed later

5: fry remaining block of tofu that roommate has already taken half of

6: bust open jar of kimchee and turn on oven fan to ensure delicious odor does not engulf entire house

7: lightly fry all in awesome electric wok your momma bought you

8: nom