Thursday, June 10, 2010


lazr cat reduces need 4 mothballz

driving home today i was behind a gold [classy] bmw with the vanity plate [douchey] BARTLEBY. now i assume purely on possession of vanity plate and car color. the car could have been a gift and the driver a lover of great literary works. but my snap judgment already occurred.

anywho. i decided bartleby would be an awesome name for a cat! bartleby james, bee for short. a friend had [against lease/rental policy] a kitten named edward longshanks the third, but upon his welcoming into a new home, his name was changed to eddy. still an acceptable moniker for an adorable personable kitten. in short, names like "fluffers" "mittens" "boots" "simba" "midnight" and worst of all "kitty" just need to die. this animal is a member of your household. and while i do not condone pet cloning, $10,000 surgeries, or feeding your cat premium grade tuna when 2/3 of the world is starving, your cat deserves the dignity of a real name.

especially frank.

when the parents call to ask about the grandcat, i know for a fact they wouldn't care nearly as much if his name was "shadow". he may be of "the tank" origin, or old blue eyes, the classic rock station, or even jason statham in transporter 1-3. but he definitely is deserving of a human name and all of the silly stories we tell about him. and maybe even the cell phone pictures we show. yet... then again, maybe not.

and he's definitely not named after that creepy fucking rabbit in donnie darko.

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